Wishful Thinking

Down for the Count....Wishful Thinking

As you can see by the pic....I am having a real struggle with winding down. OK, we were just fooling around, but I would love to fall asleep that easily. Which brings me to today's topic. After seeing the doc more than I wanted, we seem to have finally found the elephantine bolus that works to knock me out. So, for the past 2 weeks I have rejoined the living and am (mostly) coherent and keen of eye during the day and very thankfully, sleeping at night.
Doc said that half of one of the few that I take would put him on a respirator....not sure if he was serious or not. Normally Ann can just look at a pill and feel it working. But thick headed explorers sometimes need a whacking to get to sleep.
I mentioned a few days ago the sense of living one life in 3 locations and constantly facing or at least being conscious of culture shock and homesickness. So, with the insomnia issue dealt a blow, it has given us cause to cast our hopes to returning to Turkey early next spring. We are compiling lists of supplies, buying gifts for our Istanbulu friends and beginning to flirt with airfares.
I had just started our outdoor fire on our patio in Brea, which reminded me of the incredible days of Oregon therapy we just finished, when I caught the gleam of a star and crescent out of the corner of my eye. Glows & Flickers of Turkey

My emotions careened east by about 8000 miles and to my friends and flat in Istanbul and immediately brought me back to full power and thinking of all the things we need to do, get and finish to return to Istanbul according to schedule.

Birds, Souls and Making Our Lives Matter

Coffee Creek, Montana (photo not ours)

Today I am sentimental. Over the past few decades, we have worked very hard, at not working hard, not lazy....we just want what we do to matter, to matter to us, and to others. Not that we ever would have made much money...but a job that paid well wasn't worth being prisoner of a job and schedule that was soulless. Sold out of SoCal in the 90's and moved to Oregon. Drilled for 2000 feet and had no water. Moved on to Montana, thought we'd buy ourselves 500 acres of prime anchoritical inducing land. But....ended up living in Marseille within a few months of trying out Montanaism. Nothing wrong with Montana....There are still moments I yearn for a little bend in the road called Coffee Creek, just a bit north of the thriving ford of Stanford Montana.
When we were first married we had a little cabin in the mountains outside of San Diego. Lake Cuyamaca, 4500 feet in elevation, and lots of privacy. We surrounded the cabin with bird feeders and baths....and for a few seasons had quite a flock of birds hanging around.Waiting, Waiting, and Waiting


Trying that in Orange county hasn't been quite as rewarding. But today, with 4 feeders up the birds finally found 3 of them. Of course the 4th one (the most expensive) and the one I have a view of...they are ignoring. So, you get the same pleasure I get today.
So, what have I done today that matters? I waited for birds to show up and eat some fresh black sunflower seed, I entertained you with my hackilism (new word) and I said "hi" to about 50 people that walked by the house today. Did we make a difference today? No clue. But I hope your day was as exciting as mine.

The Magic of Ovens and Little Girls

It's Not Istanbul....but it Works, Really Well

Well, since you have seen the office-of-the-moment SoCal. I figured it wouldn't be complete without the office-of-the-moment SoCal.....but on the inside. Tonight, the fire is in the fireplace as opposed to the fire ring in Oregon. Elle is in the kitchen (shhh....don't make an issue of it) and I am ecstatic that she has discovered that brownies come out of the oven. This is the second creation she has jumped into today. And to think I was worried she would never find the kitchenThe Miracle of an Oven and a Little Girl

Office of the Moment

View from my SoCal Office of the Moment

So the new office is working out well. 70 degrees, light breeze, flags fluttering and a view of the apartments across the street. Not quite Grants Pass and the Steward Outpost....but it'll do. Khave is hot, and friends have been stopping by.
Getting into the swing of resting takes work. I have a list of things I need to do to catch up to where we should be, but were unable to due to our schedule.

Is that what they mean by resting?

Yep...it's the Stars & Stripes and the Star & Crescent Flying
Anyhow, being back in your own bed counts for something. Came home to a pile of junk mail that our neighbor has sifted through for us....taking out the important stuff and leaving the fluff in case we wanted the ads....but we refused to peruse the postal refuse.

Weft and Wool of Goodbyes

Last Fire in the Rogue Valley

Goodbyes make me sad....at least for the moment. It seems that a few miles distance, or a closing door turn our view to look ahead...not behind. For me, I guess, the hard part of the ramp-up to goodbye, is knowing its coming.

Our crew says goodbye on a pretty regular basis. Goodbye to relatives, new friends, old friends, homes, apartments deep in Istanbul, and the list goes on.

I guess the reason this is on my mind is that tomorrow we say goodbye to my parents and the Rogue Valley. I love this place...it is home. But, so is Istanbul and Los Angeles. Kinda hard to figure that one out, but it is best said as one life being lived at three locations.

A weaver of Turkish rugs once told me how the day of the weaver goes, so goes the weaving. The personality of the weaver is wound up in the weft and wool of her making....how, as this woman in some village or another, goes about her day of cleaning, cooking, gardening, tending to the children etc., she also weaves. And that the quality, or lack of, the weaver's day is transferred to the rug.

Not the tangible quality that we would call skill....but the earnestness of each knot that is tied, the emotion and physical state that was present as they were cinched into place...that is what makes hand-tied rugs so valuable. They are an extension of the life of a weaver. The larger the rug...the longer the period of time in its making and the more of the weaver's heart, soul and emotions will be knotted into place. The tears of the weaver can sometimes stain the knot. Grief. Loss. A loveless marriage. Who knows?

But, I didn't intend to go there......

Tonight I am burning the last cedar I will burn for this run in Grants Pass. Cedar burns fast and hot...so I am sitting here listening to the crack and sizzle of the wood, knowing that just 3 hours ago it was whole, and round, until Stanley and his grandpop split it right down the middle.

Is is smarmy for me to connect that to goodbyes? Maybe so.

But tonight as this load of cedar makes it music, it reminds me of the cycle of coming and going, It reminds me of the (only) silk rug I own, today, waiting for me in a dark and lifeless apartment on the Asian side of Istanbul. And, it reminds me of tomorrow morning and somewhere along Interstate 5 when my parents will follow us as far as they can. And we will say goodbye again.

Wolf Creek, Boys, Guns and Growing Up

The Infamously Famous Wolf Creek Tavern

Now let me get this straight from the get-go.....there is nothing unseemly today about the WCT. But gallop a century or so in the past and this was the wild....really wild west. Indians, stagecoaches, homesteaders, land grabbers and bums. All of them were here.

For an honest look at the history of the area grab a copy of First there was Twogood (Mclane) at Oregon Books in Grants Pass. You will see that quite a few of the Steward Clan's more unkindly recalled characters like Pappy Newman who ran the stage from Frisco to Portland, or my grandfather Mac, who lied his way into the Navy at 14 are in its pages.

Today we took a cruise back into our family history and revisited our kin in Wolf Creek. Stopping first at the little cemetery (where my plot has already been paid and laid) to visit a dear uncle who passed away during our time on the road. As a little boy Stanley would lay on Uncle Phil's comfy stomach and watch TV and then fall asleep....Phil loved Stanley and at 5 years old, gave him an old family Crack Shot 22, and a pocket full of rounds and said...walk east and shoot east till you can't climb anymore. For months, Stanley took off almost everyday with 50-100 rounds and shot the daylights out of Sin Bu Peak and its imaginary cowboys and indians.

My Great Grandfather

For most of a year we lived on the property with Uncle Phil and Uncle Phyllis (as Elle named her). Our kids learned to be gun and wilderness savvy during our stay in Wolf Creek. Today, we cleaned off Uncle Phil's headstone and thanked him. Elle thanked him for making her a crack shot by lining up rotting pears on our propane tank and picking them off one by one, scared to death that she was going to hit the tank and blow us all up. Stanley thanked him for the love and confidence in the woods Uncle Phil had given him.

Then Ann and I thanked him for allowing us to live and see the roots of the quickly vanishing Oregonian Steward. People who were loving, but tough and durable, and not too abashed to do whatever it took to get something done. Nuff said.

Wolf Creek's Cemetery

Plight of the Pelt

Stanley and His Pelt

We seem to have a libertine for a son. Since returning from Istanbul in February our normal, twice monthly coiffure at our Turkish barbers fell victim to our schedule. We managed to get past a couple of hack jobs passing for barbers and into one (in retrospect) "seedy" establishment where the female hair attendees seemed....to be offering more than just a shave and a cut.

After this last cut at the hair bordello, Stanley declared that there would be no more haircuts until he returned to Istanbul and his barber, Celal. Not really worrying about it I gave it the thumbs up...but now with 4 months between hair and shear. I am not so sure.

His sister Elle thinks it is hip, his mother isn't saying anything and for one of the few times, I don't know what to think.

Our Istanbulu clan thinks its a great idea and the barber shop in Kazasker and the neighborhood is following the plight of the pelt with passion. Every few days they ask for him to Skype them so they can see how long it is growing. Please send us home. Quickly.

Perpetual Rookie

Stanley at School...Hot Teacher

Its been awhile since we got back into the groove of allowing you to peek into my world of nuance and notions. We are working our way back into being a bit more settled....even though today I write 600 miles from the address we are officially calling home for the next few months.
Life is funny. Just about the time you get good at something....things change. I have been a rookie photographer in my youth, a rookie cop in my younger days, a rookie explorer in mid-life, and now it seems that writing and snapping pics is something that I am a rookie at.
Does it ever stop? Do those of us, who are normal people, ever get to a place where we do what we do very well...AND enjoy it?I'm not so sure. I have a dear friend who is in the business of teeth. Even though it has provided him with a comfortable lifestyle, the ability to be generous, and a sense of helping people....the job for him became, over time, a ball and chain (his words).
I watch these guys that go out in suits and ties each day to jobs where the break-lady is the highlight of their mornings. Lots of these people drive really nice cars, have nice houses with nice mortgages. They put their kids in school and allow someone else, someone they really don't know fill their kids heads and hearts with values and information that may not reflect the parents.

I really just don't get it all.

I was listening to Stanley talk to a guy at a lecture we gave a few weeks ago....this guy, probably a WWII vet, asked Stanley what it was like being an American and living in Turkey.....Stanley's response set me back. He said "I'm a Turk, I'm also an American". I am still thinking about that and what it means to Stanley, but his confidence and global view is so much deeper and informed than my views were, maybe more so than they are today.
It must be in the way some of us are wired...even though our crew is pretty worn out right now we are all trying to suppress the excitement of returning to Asia next spring, being with our Turkish family and then diving into a brand new adventure...hiking 500km's of Paul's footsteps to visit the villages and do what we do best.....listen and learn from the locals.
So...here I am, sitting outside at my folk's house in Oregon, pouring rain, raging fire in the fire pit, and after three weeks of this I am finally getting good at writing each day. I am updating my Facebook page daily and finishing writing projects I started in Istanbul. And...in just a few days I will leave this therapeutic and inspiring place and head back home.
And then there, I will start the process all over again, trying to get back into a groove of writing each day, once again, a rookie in my own home.

Common History

As we were driving thru town this morning I noticed this old familiar sign....warms my heart every time I see it. Grants Pass to us is home...even though our Steward kin took a 50 year swing thru SoCal there is history here of our family that dates back well over 130 years...in eastern Oregon, even longer.
The outside fire is roaring, the rain is pouring and before this starts to sound like a rhyme....I'm off on to other business.
From the outpost...this is how you power-down.

Rainy Day

We spent most of a rainy day today sorting out what was left of the normal life we left 9 years ago. Today we got it down to about 4 Rubbermaid totes which will be stored at my parent's house.

It is nice having time to get some things done and behind. A new Newsletter is, or will, be on its way as soon as we get the address list up to date. You need to update us with a new address or E-address? Shoot us a note.

Busy but Kool

Another semi-lazy day.....tons of E's to tend to, and a trip to a half dozen stores. But in the end the ability to post these pics of Indian Mary Park I took yesterday made it all kool.

Three children killed in flash floods in Turkey - Hurriyet Daily News and Economic Review

Three children killed in flash floods in Turkey - Hurriyet Daily News and Economic Review

Tending to Brother Ass

Love Story from the West Coast to the Silk Road

During the last years of the life of St. Francis of Assisi he asked his body, whom he had named Brother Ass, to pardon him for the hardships he had put it through. Looking back on a life of sacrifice, starvation, solitude and poverty St. Francis realized that while our souls and passions run deep and strong....the physical body can't always keep in step. The last few days Ann and I have been trying to let Brother Ass take it easy....Frankly, that is something that we have not taken the time to do, nor is it easy for us. We feel the call of the East and can't wait to get our boots back on the ground on the Silk Road. But before we can do that....there are a few things we need to learn and do that will give us the stamina and ability to keep Brother Ass healthy while we live, travel and wander on the far side of the world for the next 4 years.

Bishop Creek...Sierra Nevada's

Mount Tom....Sierra Nevada's

Our monthly sponsorships have been lower than we expected which means we are continually pushing the date to return to Turkey farther and farther back. Since our ability to stay on the Silk Road and exploring the lost and forgotten villages requires monthly sponsors....we are in a holding pattern until we have enough income to launch off again. That alone adds quite a bit of tension as our Istanbulu family and friends tear at our hearts to return home.

We are still waiting to see if anyone will step up to the plate and help us get a corporate sponsorship for outback gear for hiking the St. Paul Trail.

With those distractions and a bucket load of desideratum in our hands.....we are forcing ourselves to unwind and make my folk's deck our sanctuary for the next week or so. Yep...we admit that we are fighting a bit of discouragement these days. That's life.

So, this is day 3 of spending our afternoons and evenings in front of an outdoor fire, leaves falling like snow around us, cups and cups of good Turkish coffee and stacks of good books...trying to get the big picture of our lives and not the ups and downs of the moment.

If I wax over-emotional in these next few weeks please chalk it up against a tired Brother Ass who needs to vent without oversight. Remember....there are plenty of well written blogs that will delight you...you are free to roam as you please.

Its Been A Good Long Run...

Me & Mine

Living the adventurer's life that we do there have been a few occasions where we (our crew of four) wondered if we would make it out in one piece. Crashing airliners, roadside bombs, riots, war zones etc.. Ann and I coined a phrase that really got to the heart of what we do....

No Regrets

No Retreats

No Reserves

When we have one of those "just missed by inches" moments we have often looked at each other and said "27 years has been a good long run". No, we are not planning on dying or anything like that but a year or so ago as I was being led away as a captive in a deep dry canyon teeming with tension, (unnamed country)....as the militants pushed me in front of them at gunpoint and took me out of sight of Ann and the kids, I looked back one last time to see Ann staring my direction. We smiled at each other and said "hey, 28 years has been a good long run".

Home in Oregon

Obviously nothing permanent came of that encounter with our buddies with the guns. But the sentiment experienced between us has deepened our appreciation for each day we have together.

In just a month and a half we will mark our 29th year together....just wanted to say what you have heard me say a thousand times. I am pretty damn blessed to have gotten this chick to marry me and then stay with me as I have led her and our crew across the seas to live, travel and wander on the far side of the world.

Smoke, Leaves and Solitude

Some of the color from my deck

I have been spending the last few days sitting under the leaves of an oak tree that is raining its bright yellow foliage around and on me as I sit, ponder and chew over the years we have spent living in Asia and how, while we are thoroughly enjoying our time at home....our heart longs to be back in Istanbul.

Funny how life works that way.....our family, particularly the Steward Clan...has a restlessness that has caused our ancestors to immigrate and then move about the states for hundreds of years. I am back in the loop now with penning my poor and pathetic ponderings to a website that, lets be honest, is not of much interest to anyone, nor will it ever make us any income. This is just a space for me to allow the phony-writer in me to have a place to expound on the current state of, or rather, the lack of the state of the thoughts and experiences that keep me awake at night.

I miss living in Asia...I miss my Istanbulu family, I miss the sites and smells from my tiny balcony in Istanbul, I miss the door bell ringing 50 times a day with friends and neighbors who stop in to chat, fill us in on their trip to the market or just check in and have a glass or 20 of tea with us.

I had hoped this time at home would allow my soul...maybe a better word, is my spirit to rest. But instead I am continually occupied with the list of supplies I have to buy, the number of new monthly sponsors we need to be able to return and continue our research and exploration of the forgotten villages along the Silk Road and a mosaic of other issues related to getting our boots back on the ground of Turkey.

Nope...this post isn't going to ring your bell or cause you to link this to a friend due to its winsome prose. These are just the thoughts of a guy, lonely to be back in his adopted country to hang out with a people and culture that have captured his and the hearts of his family.

For now....some vignettes of our days in Oregon.. A few more snapshots of my day.

Coming to Grips with Life Abroad

Views from the Steward Outpost....Oregon

So we have finally come home....to our stateside home anyway. Arriving in Grants Pass late last evening we have several meetings scheduled along with some final doctor appointments to get clearance to return to the Silk Road. But in the meantime we hope to be able to clear our heads a bit...overcome a little discouragement over how slow the process is going and frankly, the reception of our love for Asian culture. And....take a few hours of each day to relax and try to find our heads.

Being at my folks place in GP gives us some emotional and literal space....maybe I will bore you with some of my deeper thoughts during this time. But for me, the significance is that I have finally got to a place where I am ready to write again. Therapy for me, and an ordeal for you. I know...one man's pleasure is the other's pain.

I was asked by a woman I love, (no not a blood relative) how my years abroad had changed my perceptions on life, religion and the mess the world is in general. My response was simple. I know, now, what it is like to be an American living in a Muslim world in a time when the West in general, is not highly thought of in the East.

And yet, I was accepted and loved for who "Stan" is by virtually every Turk, Kurd, Iraqi or Iranian I met. I was pampered, protected, tolerated with my out of culture fubars and still brought into an Islamic family and neighborhood as one of their own. What that all means right now I can't explain. Only...that what I experienced from my Musilm brothers....I want to enlarge my capacity to do the same to those I have fundamental shifts of ideology, lifetstyle, and religion that would normally put up walls in our relationships.

I miss our Istanbulu family and friends terribly and we are hoping to be able to return on schedule in February or March 2010. Want to help send us back? Yeah....I thought so):
My Sweety of 29 Years and Me

My View as I Write Tonight

Returning to Writing

Stanley Heading West...

So I am finally back to writing.....(I know MM, I am a hack...YOU are a writer). It has been a while since we were able to sit in one place for more than a day or two. With another road trip coming up this week, we played hooky this week and had a fire two days in a row, sat and read and tried to figure out life.

We will be boots up again this weekend and on the road for about 3 weeks. I have the writing bug so things should start to flow soon. I have lots of thought...just none I think you would be interested in.

The White Mountains...Sierra Nevada

Lazy Retreat

We have an important announcement.....we as a Crew have voted to take today off and play indolent, sluggish and remiss. Sorry if that happens to grieve you. As the younger members of our Crew like to say....SIU. (suck it up)

Istanbul Ozledik

We are still living the crazy life with another road trip......this time to the Sierra Nevada's. We are missing Istanbul big-time. Please send us home:)

Beach Days

The small stuff of our California days......

Between Ouch and Boing

Moving Thru The West

The last few months have whizzed by....rather ARE whizzing. We still have not been in one place for more than a few days at a time. This week we are checking out mentally at the beach. Yep, one of our friends who have been on deck with us for the past 5 years loaned us their beach house in Surf City USA. We are just a half hour from Brea and are just yards from the Pacific.

Before we get to that though we will run you thru our 7000 miles of road trip in the last 10 weeks. California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, back thru Indiana, Illinois to Missouri. Then Iowa, Minnesota before turning west to South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, Nevada and landing in Brea a few weeks ago.

Wyoming's Skies

Waiting Patiently

Our car is toes up in the shop...broke down in LA a week ago and everyday they seem to be calling with a list of additional problems as they tear apart the tranny. So far we are between "ouch" and "boing" in repairs and are praying it will all wash out in the end.

I am probably a little tightly wound to be baking on the beach right now...but the downtime for the kids is needed and a joy to watch. They have been body surfing and boogie boarding for hours each day. I have a stack of books waiting to be read and we are finally getting our heads around life. We are missing Turkey terribly and are looking forward to being back in Kazasker with our Istanbulu kin.

More later....for now we gotta give our dermatologist something to freak out about.

I am amazed you are still sticking around...we haven't been home now for 4 months and are still on the road in the Midwest. Tonight....Mitchell, South Dakota.
We will finally be moving into a house this coming week...back to the same haunts as our last cycle at home. We are driving the baristas at Starbucks batty (where is Dutch Bros. when you need 'em?)....they (SB) are rebelling against our 8 shots of espresso we order in our Coffees of the Day, good help is SO hard to find.
Back to LA and normal life just as fast as we can scoot thru the Midwest, Wyoming mountains and then down the 15 to home.
Thanks for staying around...we promise that more of our award winning blogging will resume soon. Maybe.

My Buddy Rowing Across the Rogue

Thought I would give you a window on my view today from the deck of the Steward Outpost in Grants Pass. Hanging with my parents in Southern Oregon has been a great place to base out of the last few weeks. Today we took some time to swat skeeters and chill on the deck....using the time to bring you up to speed on the Steward Crew.
Out of the last 21 days we have had meetings on 17 of them. Supporters, sponsors and friends have taken time out of their lives to hear reports and stories of our one thousand and forty-something days of wandering Asia. Our schedule for the next two months is much of the same...Oregon to SoCal, on to Iowa, Missouri, Ohio and back to SoCal.Oregon's Amazing Coast
The last few days we were able to carve out a slice to spend a day or two traveling between meetings on the Oregon Coast and then yesterday to have our buddies D&J take us down the Rogue River and hang out, decompress and try to clear our heads. My buddy rowed across the Rogue and then they fed, tended and forced us to rest for the day before rowing us back to civilization. First day in many that we had a chance to chill....its good to have friends.
Our equipment list for our return to Istanbul is growing and we are fully booked for fall of 2010's Silk Road Expeditions. If you want to book a date to get together and chat...holler. We would love to hang with you for a bit before we return to the far side of the worldView from the Steward Outpost

A SoCal View from my Window
Wow!.....I am surprised you are still checking in with us. Yep...we know who you are and appreciate the several thousand times a month that you stop by to peruse our thoughts and mental meanderings as we wove our way across the fabric of Asia...and are now crisscrossing our memleket....our own little edge of SoCal.
Since missing a crash landing by moments on February 24th as we headed from Istanbul to LAX we have been to the Midwest twice, the northwest once and up and down California on almost a daily basis. In fact this last week has been the first time since touchdown that we have stayed at home for more than two days in a row.Benedict Castle, Our Temporary Digs

We are missing our Istanbulu family terribly, we talk almost daily via Skype and have been keeping up with the stuff of life in Kazasker. Yesterday a pipe ruptured in our Istanbul flat and the whole building came to the rescue to stop the leak and repair the damage.
The coming days have us in central California and south to San Diego County and then off for a few weeks in Oregon and Washington spreading a little love and our passion for the people and culture of Central Eurasia.
We still have a few mid-week evenings free on our calendar if you want to hook up before we head back to Istanbul in 2010. Holler....we would love to hook up.

Eating Our Way thru the Midwest

Stanley Helping with Chores in Ohio


Life is still whizzing past us as we get down to the business of visiting family and friends in the states. After we arrived 5 weeks ago we hit the ground running. First to Los Angeles then on to Grants Pass, Oregon, Seattle, and then to LA again. A few days later we were in the desert near the California/Arizona border and for the past 5 days we have been in northeastern Ohio hanging with the Amish and Mennonites and have been force-fed more meat and potatoes in the last few days than we have eaten in the past few years.
We will get back on the ball in the next few days and bring you up to speed on our little vacation in the states. Stanley and Elle are in heaven and enjoying the call of the wild as we live, travel and eat our way thru rural Ohio.